From the storied streets of Salem, Massachusetts, Amber Sanchez is a published historical fiction writer and preservation advocate. Her past work includes tourism and tombstone restoration at the famed Charter Street Cemetery, wherein she preserved stones of names like Judge John Hathorne and Elizabeth Proctor. She’s a currently a junior enrolled at Tulane University, studying English and Historic Preservation. And, this summer, she begins her internship at O’Donnell, where she hopes to learn the ins and outs of funeral service.

The first funeral I ever attended, I peered over the coffin to see my grandmother in a pink Juicy tracksuit. I’d never seen her in anything but a hospital gown until then, so all I could do was blink, confused by her heavy eyeshadow and bright lipstick. She was unrecognizable, and I started to wonder if they’d misplaced my grandmother with Cyndi Lauper. 

Like many, I had never felt comfortable contemplating the nature of any death, nor the planning that came with it. And due to that incident with my grandmother, I had developed many misconceptions around funerals that I carried with me into adulthood. My aversion to the topic of death as well my misinformation ultimately fed into each other in a never-ending cycle. Yet, after spending time working in funeral services, I have come to know three main misconceptions that should be elucidated.

Pre-Arranging is Only for the Elderly

Many initially write off pre-arranging one’s funeral as a sign of recognizing a near end. In reality, one can pre-arrange their funeral and go on to live thirty more years without thinking about it twice. I’ve gathered that pre-arrangement is for the ease of the individual during their life, and for the ease of their family after the fact. It is a great way to ensure the clarity of final wishes, even if the final wishes don’t come for a long time. 

Funerals have Strict Traditions

A funeral home like O’Donnell works hard to serve a myriad of religious practices. There is no set way to carry out a celebration of life. Those planning a funeral for a loved one – or pre-arranging their own – have a lot more autonomy with traditions than they would originally anticipate. For example, cremated remains can be turned into keepsake Parting Stones that loved ones carry with them. I’ve found that, with the guidance of a service provider, funeral planning can be uniquely tailored.

Funerals are Only for the Deceased

One thing I’ve noticed working funerals thus far is the abundance of life that coincides with death. While watching the guests arrive and enter the chapel, they often flock to each other shortly after paying their respects. At first, their conversations are typically a reflection of fond memories of the deceased; then, they move on to talk about upcoming graduations or weddings. Funerals are universal connectors. Some guests attend without having seen each other in many years, but they end up speaking as if no time has passed. Through this observation, I have recognized that one of the main drivers of having a funeral is the living; because memorial is conceived through those who gather.